fall forward

this phrase applies to many things. to what you do to the clocks that makes it extra hard to get up 'on time' the following morning
what you should do if you trip and maybe tumble, stairs, curbs, heels, even the rare banana peel... if you are physically falling, you want to fall forward, but ... !! maybe now I am re-thinking this, are you not supposed to fall forward and instead fall on your bum? ... bigger than your tiny fragile wrists I suppose...

So, it is also an expression that is sort of a metaphor... more than the sum of its parts at least. When times are tough, or unsteady, or rocky... seize the opportunity. To move forward ACTIVELY and energetically.
Forward implies motion, momentum, positive, progress, growth, change... all good things, yes? And the 'fall' part is not so bad either-- is it? It is a moment of instability amidst what can sometimes be, well... droll, even BORING... redundancies and routine stagnations. Right?

Yesterday I spent a few hours with a 3 year-old boy who is one of the great loves of my life. He can do no wrong. I spent a good amount of time with him when he was 1 to 2 years old, so there's a real bond, and when he sees me he gives me the best hug and eyes-closed kiss. Last night he followed that up with "Wanna draw with me?" and... "we're going on a date." When I was drawing spiral shapes and suggested they looked like snails he promptly corrected me saying, "no, they aren't. They are escargots." He even speaks French. We blew bubbles outside for awhile, ate dinner, played in the bath, watched some telly, ate toast with jam, read together, danced together, sang some songs together (he corrected my pronunciation of Frere-Jacques too!!) and curled up in bed. GREAT date!! The times when he was acting up even, or acting his age I guess, splashing me or throwing the bath toys outside the tub, he was so cute, and so pure in his actions, I couldn't stop myself from cracking up. Oh, if I could only bring that lightness and quickness to laugh to all my challenging relationships/situations!!
Anyway, it got me thinking. It had been about 6 months since I really saw Finn, maybe even 9 months... and he CHANGED so much. He can make sense when he speaks. He can hold something tightly and not let go. He can communicate in two languages. He can articulate what and when he wants to eat, to pee, to sleep, to hug...

If all of us could grow and change that much in such a short period, we truly would be evolved to a ridiculous degree. . ...Or maybe it is also that I didn't see him for that time, so I could really experience him and the changes distinctly... I know that the physical growing (and later, shrinking) becomes more subtleas you get older, but why do we think we should stop learning and growing inside? SO MUCH POTENTIAL. It is exciting to me to think about.

At the same time, I was talking to a friend and he raised a very interesting point about how so many of the examples of relationships we see in pop culture, in movies, in books, on tv, etc. involve people who are perfect for each other and
when they finally get together it is as if they are perfect for each other forever. Because the story is finite, and we do not often see how the characters change, and grow, and how sometimes that growth might mean the two people are no longer perfect for each other. His example was Lloyd Dobbs in Say Anything, and when the movie ends and they are on the plane you get a great, happy feeling because you feel that they are 'perfect' together. But what is going to happen in Europe? How is Lloyd going to change? How is Diane? The movie ends and we never know but in real life, the 'movie' keeps going. So often we miss the many, often great ways the people we love are changing, because it doesn't fit into who they are to us, or our 'concept'/construct of them...

I know with family, and really special old friends, there is that unconditional love that keeps going no matter what. And I think in romantic love, I hope anyway, that at some point the two people know themselves and each other well enough, and make an active choice and commitment to foster and nurture the growth of themselves and each other together... but I know that takes some tools and some self-knowledge and strength that take time to come by...

I have a lot of friends who are going through break-ups right now, mostly with their significant others, but in some cases with their careers, figuring out what they really want, what kind of life they want to lead, if they like the process as much as the supposed 'product' ... and it is a time of transition. I just want to shout to everyone, or whisper gently in their ear-- THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY!! TAKE IT!! Sure, sometimes it is just plain hard, the re-negotioating your life without someone, creating new mythologies of your life... but like Voltaire said in Candide, "All is for the best in the world."

I also went to the beach yesterday and that is one place that changes my life every time I go. It was beautiful and clear and the water was just nippy enough that it was pretty empty and we had a picnic and nothing tastes better than salty sandwiches and chips. Good day. One at a time...